With all the knowledge society has gifted us about the intricacies of female sexuality; for ease of labelling, our sexual behaviour and how we identify ourselves is uncomfortably forced into one of two tenuous phrases: freaky or frigid.
Listed in The Telegraph’s Dictionary of 14 words used to describe women, ‘frigid’ dates back to the Victorian era when we were thought to be a bit stiff, and prescribed ‘vaginal massage’ (yes, masturbation) to treat so-called hysteria and all manner of sexual ‘dysfunction’. I, myself was introduced to the word from behind a school desk; backed in by two giddy 10-year-olds who quizzed me on whether I was or wasn‘t. While naivety rendered me clueless, I gauged his response from my unconvincing, “No” and took a vow of silence for the rest of the afternoon.
Freaky, on the other hand, fast-forward more than a decade, has morphed into something of a double-edged sword – a seal of approval from males but a way of demeaning women who take pride in loving sex. But it’s either that or be seen as sexually inferior and unable to satisfy man’s sexual urges.
As a rule of thumb, nobody is either or, but what I feel separates a lady with freakish tendencies is ownership of her experience and the absence of shame for acting upon her fetishes. Frigid suggests reserve and timidity, not least a lack of desire but simply, a stifling of. Where I’m positioned on the spectrum, I’ve already decided, but read on to see what others had to say when I posed the question:
‘How do you define a woman as being ‘freaky’ versus ‘frigid’?’
Freak is open to most sexual ventures and is naturally curious; confident in her ability to please a man/ woman. A frigid girl may be curious but not openly so. She may be aiming to maintain a level of virtuous conduct or may not have met a man who makes her that comfortable. I’d say there is a medium between the two. A girl can venture onto either side depending on how comfortable or turned on she is; even maybe how in love she might be. Female, 23
I don’t believe a female should be defined as any. You are determining a woman’s sexual countenance based on ideas that have no concrete definitions. Her being ‘frigid’ is based on the perspective of the other person’s level of ‘freakiness’ as it were. It’s all very subjective and there is no definitive answer unless you are going by the census of society and even then, there’s still a lot of scope as to what is frigid and what is not! Female, 25
So a frigid girl is someone who isn’t very sexual – no, scratch that – who isn’t sexual at all! There’s nothing worse than a girl who only wants to spend time hugging and talking; men can only take so much of that until they get bored. A freak is a girl that will catch a man off-guard. Remember, when it comes to sex, men will always rate themselves very highly. If she’s a freak then she’s doing stuff to him in a certain way that he’s never experienced. Male, 26
My definition of freak is no limits. I’d do whatever the guy wants me to do plus it’s about a girl’s attitude during. Female, 24
Freaks have no inhibitions and do not believe in holding anything back. Freaks are supremely confident at instigating. Frigid are afraid of letting go, worry what people will think and would rather things happen to them than take equal part. Male, 35
I believe a freak is someone who knows what they like and isn’t afraid to ask for it, or even take it. Whereas a frigid person is someone that may not be too interested in sex or maybe afraid of being judged, or afraid of the actual act itself. Female, 24
Freak: she’s not feminine at all, gross, bizarre sexual perversions. Frigid: she’s not comfortable with her body, her personality and thus her sexuality. She’s anaesthetised against her true desires of any nature and unable to enjoy life at any level. Boring. Male, 25
Frigid: someone that’s close-minded about sex and everything to do with it. They don’t fully communicate what they like freely and take it too seriously. Unconfident and uncomfortable with sex. Freak: someone fully expressive with sex, open- minded, communicates what they like and fully enjoys it. Open to exploring things and is passionate. Male, 23
Freak is ready to do anything that satisfies her man. Frigid girl won’t step out of her comfort zone to satisfy the ‘D’. Male, 23
A freak is more outgoing. A freak is sexually liberated and likes to pursue experimentation with her given partner. However, a ‘freak’ is another label given to women to define them as different to men, and so is ‘frigid’. That on the other hand, suggests a female is more sexually introverted, if at all. There is nothing wrong with either, all females start their sexual experiences at different times in life. These terms are just labels to box them up, yet again! Female, 25
I would define a freak as a girl that is willing and ready to explore the whole frontier of sexual experiences. This doesn’t necessarily mean that she sleeps around but she is very open-minded with her partner. A frigid girl is uncomfortable with merely the discussion of sex and even when she does have sex, she is very formal and ‘to the book’ about it. In other words – boring. Male, 24
What would make me consider someone a freak is if their boundaries exceed my expectation of them; frigid is the opposite. Male, 23
Frigid: I wouldn’t personally use the term to describe a woman or her sexuality. Circumstance: go on several dates with a girl, she’s happy to come to your house and make-out but she says “no” to sex and doesn’t waive her decision. Simply not willing to give into a man’s sexual needs without a good excuse. Freak: there’s no such thing. Circumstance: being sexually liberated (not free) on a need-to-fuck basis. Comfortable with how, where and what you’d like done or to do with your body. E.g. a woman asking her partner to masturbate in front of her = freaky; a guy asking = horny. Female, 23
A freak is a babe who likes to do kinky stuff in bed and likes sex a lot. While a frigid female is someone who’s cold in bed and doesn’t like to explore. Male, 33